Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
I had lunch with a chess champion the other day.
It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A Boise, Idaho woman accused of ramming her pickup into another car, then hurling ranch salad dressing at the vehicle, has pleaded guilty to aggravated battery. Authorities said she used her truck to ram a sedan several times over a road rage episode.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
A Decatur, Alabama man gave deputies more than they asked for when he was pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. The man pulled out in front of a deputy in the early morning hours of Halloween and the official observed the truck weaving in and out of lanes heading to I-65. The deputy pulled the truck over and during the stop the man stumbled out of the driver's seat and yelled, "I just stole this truck!"
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
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Rich's Time Machine!
Monday - Saturday mornings escape reality and re-visit the past in Rich's Time Machine!
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Today In Elvis Presley History!
Monday - Saturday mornings Rich features famous Elvis events and a great Elvis song.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
Jim Stevens said he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup. Stevens, of Jonesborough, Tennessee said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck. Stevens said when he first saw the image, he figured it would evaporate and not return. But it kept reappearing for two weeks now. Stevens said folks at the grocery store he goes to were amazed to see the image. He said he isn't going to wash the truck for a while.
My Way News - Tom Hanks, others screen 'Beyond All Boundaries': "Actors Tom Hanks, Patricia Clarkson and James Cromwell walked the red carpet yesterday before a private screening of the Hanks-produced war film 'Beyond All Boundaries' held at the World War II Museum in New Orleans.
The film, which includes '4-D' elements such as props and shaking seats, opens to the public today and will be shown exclusively at the museum's new Victory Theater.
The film includes vintage images that chronicle WWII - from Pearl Harbor to the Battle of the Bulge - and took five years to make."
USA Today reported all the new office etiquette due to the threat of swine flu spreading. Rather than shaking hands, people are patting fists or touching elbows or bumping hips.
That must explain why I had an odd experience this morning. When I came in to the studio this morning, Harry my engineer came over and bumped his hips to my hips. I said "Harry, I think that is too much contact. How about just a 'Hello' or 'Good morning.'"
My Way News - Unemployment nears 10 pct. as rebound remains slow: "The economy is rebounding from its deepest slump since the 1930s, but it probably won't seem that way when the government releases its monthly employment today.
Employers aren't expected to start adding jobs for several more months."
...For those who do have jobs, and for those who soon will have jobs, The Rich Hancock show offers as a public service...Keys to Success:
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.
2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.
3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the casual observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work.
4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want you to DO work for THEM.
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
An old snake goes to see his optometrist.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can’t see very well these days."
The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks.
The snake comes back in two weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, "What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I’ve been dating a water hose the past two years!"
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A Brazilian man surprised his friends and family - by turning up at his own funeral. Relatives of the man had identified him as the victim of a car crash in Parana state. But the man actually had spent the night drinking with his friends. He did not get word of his funeral until it was already happening. That's when he showed up and surprised everybody.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer test for Halloween found himself blowing into one after police stopped him for allegedly driving the wrong way without headlights on a one-way street. Oxford police said they stopped 20-year-old James P. Miller and found beer in his front seat and in the trunk. Police gave him the Breathalyzer test. He failed. He was arrested.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
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Rich's Time Machine!
Monday - Saturday mornings escape reality and re-visit the past in Rich's Time Machine!
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Today In Elvis Presley History!
Monday - Saturday mornings Rich features famous Elvis events and a great Elvis song.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human-being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.
- Carl Sagan
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
A US boy is not going back to school - after he was declared the reincarnation of a Buddhist holy man who first died in 1250. Boston-born 11 year old Jigme Wangchuk has now moved to India where he has been made the head of a Buddhist sect in the country's eastern Darjeeling city. His parents say they discovered their son was not like other children two years ago when he started talking about his "past life". During a trip to a monastery in southern India the boy went into a trance. The monks proclaimed he was the reincarnation of the high priest who was founder of one of the four main schools of Tibetan Buddhism. Now he will spent the next ten years in virtual seclusion and only be able to communicate with his former school friends by email.
My Way News - Dancers gather to honor Patrick Swayze: "Before Patrick Swayze was a film actor, a TV actor and People magazine's 'Sexiest Man Alive,' he was a dancer. And so it was fitting that a huge group of dancers gathered to honor him this week at the annual fundraiser for Career Transition for Dancers, a group that helps dancers develop new careers after age or injury forces them to halt dancing. The event was held at New York's Civic Center. Swayze had been chosen as this year's honoree well before his death in September of pancreatic cancer at age 57. His wife of 34 years, Lisa Niemi, teared up as she accepted the Rolex Dance Award on his behalf, telling the crowd her husband was now 'dancing with the angels.'"
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
A reporter from Chicago was visiting an old colleague, who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?"
"Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
A Massachusetts town has made it illegal to own more than three cats without getting a special license. Voters at a town meeting in Dudley changed the law to make it illegal to own more than three cats without a $50 residential kennel license. This in response to a neighborhood feud over the 15 cats owned by Mary Ellen Richards. A local newspaper reports that one neighbor claimed the cats have ruined his yard. Richards has put her home up for sale and says she plans to move to a "more cat-friendly community."
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
Police in the Denver suburb of Edgewater say a man stabbed himself, then said he was attacked by three men dressed in black in a ploy to miss work.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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Rich's Time Machine!
Monday - Saturday mornings escape reality and re-visit the past in Rich's Time Machine!
****
Today In Elvis Presley History!
Monday - Saturday mornings Rich features famous Elvis events and a great Elvis song.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."
- Ronald Reagan
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
The mega-meatball record has landed in the East Coast. Matthew Mitnitsky, owner of Nonni's Italian Eatery in Concord, said that a 222.5-pound meatball was authenticated as the world's largest after being weighed by state weights and measures officials. A Guinness Book of World Records official confirmed it. The old record of 198.6 pounds was set just over a month ago after Los Angeles-based talk show host Jimmy Kimmel vowed to beat a record set in Mexico. That record - 109 pounds - was set in August. Mitnitsky said he got involved "to bring the meatball back to the East Coast because that's where it originated."
Andy Williams interviewed by radio d.j. Rich Hancock about Andy's book "Moon River And Me."
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
An Indian holy man says he can cure the sick - by persuading them to wallow in the mud with him. The man claims that immersing himself in the slime on the riverbanks in Varanasi, India gives him the power to heal others. The Hindu hermit gave up a family, his home and a job as a teacher to live in the polluted mud banks of the River Ganges.
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
A woman called 911 to report herself as a drunk driver. She said: "I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm drunk." And with that, Mary Strey reported herself as a drunken driver about three miles northeast of Neilsville in central Wisconsin. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
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Rich's Time Machine!
Monday - Saturday mornings escape reality and re-visit the past in Rich's Time Machine!
****
Today In Elvis Presley History!
Monday - Saturday mornings Rich features famous Elvis events and a great Elvis song.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."
- Albert Einstein
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
A Halloween trick or treater in Ohio may have gotten a bigger treat than expected - a diamond ring. A woman in suburban Cincinnati said she thinks she may have lost her wedding ring when she was tossing candy into trick or treaters' bags on Halloween. Elizabeth Olson, of Terrace Park, said she thinks it may have slipped off her finger when she was throwing candy into the bags, buckets and pillowcases. Olson is asking people to keep an eye out for the ring and to return it to her if they find it.
Rich's Early Morning Chuckle:
A wild-eyed man dressed up in a Napoleon costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist’s office and nervously exclaimed, "Doctor, I need your help right away."
The doctor said: "I can see that. Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem."
"I don’t have any problem," the man snapped. "In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power – everything! But I’m afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble."
"I see," said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. "And what seems to be her main problem?"
"For some strange reason," answered the unhappy man, "she thinks she’s Mrs. Schwartz."
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Rich's Crazy News Story Of The Day:
Over in the UK, a South Yorkshire man claims to be allergic to his wife and says he comes out in a rash whenever he goes near her. Darren Young is allergic to a component regularly used in common creams and body lotions. His heart rate soars - and could even stop - and his body swells if he comes into contact with the chemical. He said: "When it comes to bedtime my wife doesn't need a headache as an excuse. She just says she has been using body lotion and it might kill me."
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Officer Hancock's police blotter:
It's one thing for shoplifters to hide plunder in their pants. But a live ferret? Police said a homeless man in north Florida did just that. And he made it out the door before being challenged. Rodney Bolton was charged with theft over the $129 animal that police say he took from a pet store in Jacksonville Beach.
This is Officer Hancock. Be careful. There are a lot of wackos out there!
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Rich's thought to ponder:
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
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Rich's Time Machine!
Monday - Saturday mornings escape reality and re-visit the past in Rich's Time Machine!
****
Today In Elvis Presley History!
Monday - Saturday mornings Rich features famous Elvis events and a great Elvis song.
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Rich's quote of of the day:
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
- Rabbi Julius Gordon
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Flash From The Hancock News Service!
(The most powerful name in odd news)
Officials say a Panama City, Florida Fish and Wildlife officer lost a 5-foot alligator after bringing it to his daughter's school for show and tell. Searchers scoured a wooded area surrounding the school. The alligator jumped out of the man's vehicle. The animal's mouth was taped. A Fish and Wildlife Spokesman says alligators have "amazing" jumping ability and that allowed it to escape. Here is a suggestion: next year the man should take something else to show and tell!
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